I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
