he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The uberlube is also flammable
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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