Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
too bad you live with your parents still
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
