You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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