Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
