Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
This toilet bowl is my home.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
