I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
