eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
