it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
