u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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