how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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