I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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