you would pick up someone in the library
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
