I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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