Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
