Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
