it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
