Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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