He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
