You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
