I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
