I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
