He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
