So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
