My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My ass is underappreciated
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
