drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize