he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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