Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Why is your signature on my underwear?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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