I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
sarcasm needs its own font
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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