My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
