Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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