butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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