she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
