dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
