I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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