If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
