u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
