I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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