you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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