So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
