Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
