I hate your face
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
