Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
