I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
