My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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