i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My pussy is not your playground.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
