He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
