My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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