I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize