I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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