He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i will never coherently bang her
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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