It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
