I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
