meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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