Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
