I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
