I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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