I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Buhtt sex?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
