Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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