if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
