I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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