The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
