It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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