Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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