Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
