She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
