Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
