2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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