Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
