it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I could make wine with my vomit
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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