Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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