just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
